as i mentioned previously on this blog, i have been thinking about what i want to do this year. and truly, i don't normally do that. i have tended to take the approach of just rolling along day to day, year to year. or i will think up fantasy plans and never bring them to life past the first thought. (the exception being my work, enhabiten proper, which evolved in a circuitous way but was defining and did set the stage for and bring about much that is in my life now.)
this morning i woke up thinking about a project i've been circling around the past couple months. the project went from being general to specific as i thought about it. it happened in the way these things sometimes do. i was surprised by the specificity, as if i didn't think of it but it came to me whole, a gift. of course the idea is one thing and the work it takes to make it real is another. i can be real good with ideas. i bet i've had hundreds of winners which never made it past the idea stage.
what i've come up with so far is this: i want to make real this project, which is a book of poems and drawings (the subject matter is what became clear to me in a really beautiful way this morning.) i want to take this seed and create a campaign to fund the production of the book and i want to spend part of this year making the book. then i want to share it.
this year, i don't want to set myself up for failure but i do want to have intention and i want to hold myself accountable. i think the key is thoughtful examination and dedication to the idea that i'm supposed to make things and share them. creative projects make me most hopeful, happy and fulfilled. i should honor that. but also, i need to be honest about what is realistic given the specific structure and details of my life.
right now i'm coming out of a period of life filled with a ton of change and a lot of trauma and anguish. it creates a ground where new things are possible but it also leaves me vulnerable and raw. this is a balance i need to be aware of but i feel ready to manage it. and doing a project like this feels like the right thing to focus my life in the right direction. i believe i'm ready for it. i'll keep you posted.
happy new year,